It was six men of GOP-stan, To leading much inclined,
Who went to seek the Elephant, (Though all of them were power-blind),
That each by nomination, Might satisfy the voters’ mind.
The First [Newt] approach’d the Elephant, and (like Humpty-Dumpty) happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl:
“God bless me! But the Elephant very like(s) the Street of Wall!”
The Second [Perry] feeling of the tusk, Cried, -“Ho! what have we here
So very smooth and sharp? Oops!!! Unlike me ’tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant Is very like a White Man’s Hunting spear!”
The Third [Bachmann] approached the animal, And happening to take
The squirming trunk within her hands, Thus boldly up and spake:
“I see,” quoth she, “the Elephant Is very like the “don’t tread on me” snake!”
The Fourth [Santorum] reached out his eager hand, And fell about his knee.
“What most this Wondrous Beast is like is Mighty plain,” quoth he,
“‘Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like my devout Family tree!”
The Fifth [Paul] who chanced to touch the ear, Said: “E’en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the Constitution who can,
This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a Libertarian fan!”
The Sixth [Cain] no sooner had begun about to grope,
Then, seizing on some swinging tail that fell within his scope,
“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant Is very like a long (hang man’s) rope!”
And so these men of GOP-stan, Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion, Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right, And all were in the wrong!
So oft in political wars, the disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance of what each other mean,
And berate about an Elephant’s Rider [Romney], on which not one of them was keen!
Modified from John Godfrey Saxe’s (1816-1887) version of the Elephant and the Blind Men