Hotel for Rogues


The killing of Osama bin Laden has brought the three-floored mansion in Abbottabad in the spotlight. Taking a cue from the international publicity, the business arm of Al Qaeda has decided to publically launch their hospitality & travel section called “Jihad Tourism”.

Here are excerpts from the brochure of one of their hotels:

Welcome to the Al-Talib Peshawar Hotel. Built by terrorism magnate Osama bin Laden in 1998 for his friends & cronies, the hotel serves as a legendary playground for some of the most cherished celebrities in the world of terrorism. We continue the tradition of serving as a home away from home for our guests. Renowned past guests have appreciated the hotel’s timeless elegance and personalised service since the 1990s:

  • Three Floors, 15 bedrooms (one bedroom for each of your wives)
  • No phones – avoid those pesky marketing calls selling you the latest Kalashnikov
  • No internet – no facebook, no twitter, no Charlie Sheen
  • TV with only one channel – Al Jazeera – with both transmitting and receiving capabilities. Plans on to install Fox soon (need to get the true picture of the Great Satan – USA)
  • Games & Recreation: enjoy a game of buzkashi (a game of polo, with a dead lamb replacing the ball) every evening.
  • Spa – with three treatments: Mud Wrap, Premium Mud Wrap and Supreme Mud Wrap (getting you closer to heaven)
  • No air conditioning – a cost effective “sauna” in the summers
  • Breakfast on the balcony – don’t you ‘love to wake up to the smell of napalm in the morning’ – relax to the soothing sound of war in the background
  • Dinner menu – Lamb chops, Lamb shanks, lamb kebabs (see dead lamb above)
  • Parking: ample space to keep your ‘ego’-friendly vehicle: a Hummer, an ATV – even the state-of-the-art captured tank
  • Swimming Pool – mandatory hijab and burka for all ladies. Come sink and swim with us
  • Doctor on Call – treatment offered ranging from bullet wounds to kidney dialysis.
  • Military Academy (4 miles): Catch up on those books you missed reading in your caves in Tora Bora
  • National Capital (45 miles): Drop in to meet your favourite spy handler, politician, fixer or bookie (whatever you call him – A rogue by any other name would smell as sweet).
  • Payment: We accept MasterCad, Dinar, This-Cover and American’t Express. No Visa required.

Our motto: “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”

About rp71

A Cynic's Eye View: This is my tongue-in-cheek, one-eyebrow-raised, cynical view of the world of politics & the world of sports (and intriguing intersection of the two) by way of written posts and cartoons. All views expressed are my own (nobody else wants them). Follow me by subscribing here or on twitter @rp_71 Looking forward to the bouquets and brickbats in the comments section Cynics of the world, unite. We have nothing to lose, but our disdains…
This entry was posted in Geopolitics, Humor, Politics - US and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Hotel for Rogues

  1. Pingback: Whose Line is it Anyway? | A Cynic's Eye View

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s