The killing of Osama bin Laden has brought the three-floored mansion in Abbottabad in the spotlight. Taking a cue from the international publicity, the business arm of Al Qaeda has decided to publically launch their hospitality & travel section called “Jihad Tourism”.
Here are excerpts from the brochure of one of their hotels:
Welcome to the Al-Talib Peshawar Hotel. Built by terrorism magnate Osama bin Laden in 1998 for his friends & cronies, the hotel serves as a legendary playground for some of the most cherished celebrities in the world of terrorism. We continue the tradition of serving as a home away from home for our guests. Renowned past guests have appreciated the hotel’s timeless elegance and personalised service since the 1990s:
- Three Floors, 15 bedrooms (one bedroom for each of your wives)
- No phones – avoid those pesky marketing calls selling you the latest Kalashnikov
- No internet – no facebook, no twitter, no Charlie Sheen
- TV with only one channel – Al Jazeera – with both transmitting and receiving capabilities. Plans on to install Fox soon (need to get the true picture of the Great Satan – USA)
- Games & Recreation: enjoy a game of buzkashi (a game of polo, with a dead lamb replacing the ball) every evening.
- Spa – with three treatments: Mud Wrap, Premium Mud Wrap and Supreme Mud Wrap (getting you closer to heaven)
- No air conditioning – a cost effective “sauna” in the summers
- Breakfast on the balcony – don’t you ‘love to wake up to the smell of napalm in the morning’ – relax to the soothing sound of war in the background
- Dinner menu – Lamb chops, Lamb shanks, lamb kebabs (see dead lamb above)
- Parking: ample space to keep your ‘ego’-friendly vehicle: a Hummer, an ATV – even the state-of-the-art captured tank
- Swimming Pool – mandatory hijab and burka for all ladies. Come sink and swim with us
- Doctor on Call – treatment offered ranging from bullet wounds to kidney dialysis.
- Military Academy (4 miles): Catch up on those books you missed reading in your caves in Tora Bora
- National Capital (45 miles): Drop in to meet your favourite spy handler, politician, fixer or bookie (whatever you call him – A rogue by any other name would smell as sweet).
- Payment: We accept MasterCad, Dinar, This-Cover and American’t Express. No Visa required.
Our motto: “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”