Cricket World Cup: Results XI

As the Cricket World Cup heads towards the business end, there have been several interesting incidents which will affect the cricketing community and the world at large. As they say ‘the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas’. Will a paddle sweep in Bangalore set off a revolt in UAE? Some highlights of what the World Cup is leading to:

#1: Ramakant Achrekar has started instructing all his pupils to take their stance 2.5 metres ahead of the stumps to completely negate the possibility of a LBW dismissal. Following his guidance, batting coaches across the country have started amending their coaching manuals.

#2: Bangladesh Tourism will soon be launching a new tourism campaign “Come to Dhaka, Get Stoned”. This is aimed at the tourists who frequent Amsterdam, Caribbean beaches and Goa. Every visitor will be greeted with a pimped-up rickshaw, a RD Burman / Bappida remix CD and psychedelic green Tigers uniform.

West Indian Tour Bus: What a trip, man!

#3: BCCI has sent a query to ICC to ask whether it is legal to field a team of 11 batsmen and no bowlers. With the bowlers being ineffective, it’s been decided to pack the team with batsmen and go after any total put up by the opponents. If approved, this new team composition will be tried first at Ranji level for 6 months before adopting for the national team. It is time to now put practice into theory.

#4: Royal Society of Medicine has started work on a new pacemaker which doesn’t explode on over-stimulation of the patient’s heart. This has come about as an effect of 137 such incidents happening during England’s matches. The Queen has already announced that she will distribute the new pacemakers at Prince William’s wedding to the large contingent of aged attendees along with ready- to-Twitter mobile sets.

#5: Pakistan Cricket Board along with PTV have launched a new national ‘talent’ search “Keeping (Up) with the (Kard) Asians: So you think you can Keep” to seek out a new wicketkeeper. Cricketers with batting talent need not apply. Aspirants who take even one catch will be rushed into the finals of the contest. Anyone who catches two in a row will be given Kamran Akmal’s role. Anyone who snags three in a row will be given 10% of the take and made the President of Pakistan.

#6: A parliamentary committee has been set up in Pretoria to investigate how they can best utilise the high production of “chokers” in South Africa. One way is to export them out to other countries as goods & services. This has been successfully implemented in the South Africa – England trade corridor. Is India also picking up the trade surplus? We hear there is a great shortage of the product in Australia.

#7: ICC has asked all cricket grounds to start converting all dressing rooms into padded room to protect their property, after repeated instances of cricketers wrecking property in anger and frustration by hurling their bats. ICC had previously experimented with a padded bat, but was shot down by sponsors who couldn’t clearly sight the logos on the bats. A padded room would also give a feeling of home for some overly-excitable bowlers.

Bat(s)man Returns

#8: England’s Cabinet has instructed the British Prime Minister to investigate the possibility of cancelling the Anglo-Irish Treaty of 1921 and effectively merging the Republic of Ireland with England. Saint Patrick is being roundly condemned in the pubs in England for having driven the snakes out of Ireland.

#9: With most captains at a dilemma on how to handle the Batting Powerplays, ICC is looking at ways out. Captains could have the option to auction their 5 overs to the other team before the match. Black & Scholes has teamed up with Duckworth & Lewis to formulate the accurate pricing model for this option. England and India are contemplating giving away their Powerplays for free (even paying the other teams to take them).

#10: The Canadian team is just happy to be there. They would have been even happier if the matches had been played in Phagwara, Bhatinda or Jallandhar as per their initial request – as their players would have really enjoyed home field advantage. Keeping this in mind, PCA is proposing to hold a Punjabi World Cup in 2015 with teams from Canada, England, Malaysia and India (any country where Punjabis / Sikhs reside – well, that’s almost every country). CAB had also proposed a Bengali World Cup in 2021 – but was not sure of getting Eden Gardens ready in time.

#11: New Zealand has decided to play the rest of their group matches in brides’ dresses. This is to break the jinx of “always the bridegroom, never the bride”. Apart from this supporting the cricket team, the aim is to position Dunedin as a fashion centre among the likes of Milan and Paris. Well, the majority of NZ’s population has been donning fleece for ages. Fashion apart, the Kiwis might be able to distract the opponents by flaunting Vettori’s long and fine legs.

Another post about Cricket World Cup:

About rp71

A Cynic's Eye View: This is my tongue-in-cheek, one-eyebrow-raised, cynical view of the world of politics & the world of sports (and intriguing intersection of the two) by way of written posts and cartoons. All views expressed are my own (nobody else wants them). Follow me by subscribing here or on twitter @rp_71 Looking forward to the bouquets and brickbats in the comments section Cynics of the world, unite. We have nothing to lose, but our disdains…
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8 Responses to Cricket World Cup: Results XI

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